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Things I Kind Of Love About Myself

Trust me, I'm not the most "love myself" person on this earth and really more of a "I want to kill myself" kinda gal since the beginning yet I found myself appreciating little things about me these days and I can't wait to write it down.

I have always been the "I hate this world. I hate everyone. I hate myself" person but as I grow older, I became a lot more tender. Not that I love every one now, just that I no longer hold grudges that frequently and I'm trying to find the good in people more often. Back in secondary school days, I was always complaining. I was really unhappy with the place I'm in because so many things happened and I wanted to get out. I held grudges at people who made my life difficult when it was really just me who made life difficult for myself and I failed to realize it for a long time until late 2018. Things have changed a lot for me and I don't really know how, I don't really know when, but I started getting healthier mentally and I just know that I'm feeling happier. Happier than I was before. Though the things I stress about are definitely different than before, I felt a lot more comfortable with life.

The thing is, I'm not a hundred percent loving life or myself right now, but I love that I'm already far from where I used to be and that I'm moving closer to becoming better.

I love that I'm no longer dwelling in the "what if's." I'm making decisions myself now on my own life, and that has somehow made me say fuck the what if's. I no longer wonder what if I hadn't make that decision, I no longer make myself suffer by going on and on about the "I should have done that instead" when things go wrong for me and I love that. I'm focusing on the present more instead of regretting the past now because the mindset of "What's done is done" is strongly rooted in my mind now and I love that as well.

A few days ago I was letting the negative thoughts devour me at 3am. It felt as though I was abandoned by everyone, all alone in the dark corner and no one noticed my existence. No one was there, no one for me to hold onto and no one for me to hug tightly. The chill was filling me and it felt so lonely, I started crying. At that moment I heard my siblings chatting outside the living room and hearing their voices reminded me that I wasn't alone. When days were rough, I come home to them and I have someone to rant to. I have someone to pour all my complaints, to rant about that one customer who was being hostile or that lady who bumped my shoulder and walked off without apologizing, I had their ears at the end of the day well not that they really listened to what I said. That's when I see a glint of light at that point of time and it pulled me right back to my senses. It pulled me out of the misery just in time before I went too deep into it.

I felt so grateful for having siblings whom I can talk to, even when they are so annoying sometimes, they were my gateway and reminder that I'm not so lonely after all. And I felt so grateful for being able to feel grateful. I started loving that I no longer allow myself to fall back into the pit of darkness so easily because I'm able to feel grateful for little things and pull myself towards the light. I love that I'm choosing the light even if it's just a glint of it. Even if it's the weakest and faintest light in the darkness, I'm glad I held onto it.

To be honest, I just love that I'm able to love these things about myself. I wasn't quite capable of doing this a year ago when all I had was self-hatred and anger, but now I'm able to slowly discover little things in this body, in this brain, and I'm proud to say I love this about me. The me a year ago would never imagine myself saying this, yet here I am writing a long ass post about what I love about myself and let me tell you, bitch I'm proud.

What do you love about yourself?

anything will do. be it the way your hair falls nicely next to your face sometimes or anything you can think of, I want you to share it with me <3



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About Luna

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Hi, I'm Luna and this is my online journal.

Welcome to my virtual diary where I talk about the latest things I love and hate, my whatnot on my life, and my madness.